


Buzzfeed Superpowers AU

by AllAreLies, angelsaves, bessyboo, forzandopod, mardia



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Audio Only, Gen, M/M, Multi, Not!Fic, Oral Not!Fic, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes, honestly there's not much plot just worldbuilding and talk about superpower antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllAreLies/pseuds/AllAreLies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/pseuds/bessyboo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/forzandopod/pseuds/forzandopod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mardia/pseuds/mardia
Summary: In a world where everyone has superpowers—but it's all mundane, no vigilante justice stuff—what would the Buzzfeed offices look like?





	Buzzfeed Superpowers AU

**Author's Note:**

> Runs 41:47. Cover art & podbook compiled by Bess. **WARNINGS FOR:** so much giggling, extreme overuse of the word "like", you can definitely hear Abby's cat Yolo's bell in the background through most of this
> 
> Thanks to cantarina for the transcription/summary!

**MP3 [18.7MB]:** [Download](http://bessyboo.parakaproductions.com/My%20Podfic/MP3s/Buzzfeed%20Superpowers%20AU.mp3) (right-click/save as)  
**Audiobook (M4B) [20.3MB]:** [Download](http://bessyboo.parakaproductions.com/My%20Podfic/Podbooks/Buzzfeed%20Superpowers%20AU.m4b) (right-click/save as)

There are no vigilantes in this world, people just have superpowers and it's a thing. Everyone still works at Buzzfeed making videos and they may or may not use their powers day-to-day. There are Buzzfeed lists titled, like Mardia pitches, "Fifty Uses for Super Strength That You Didn't Think Of". (She adds: Only 30 of them involved porn!)

Shane and Ryan still make Unsolved! One of the reasons they became friends and got paired up so much is because Ryan has fire powers and Shane has ice powers, so they're perfect counterpoints to each other. On a purely practical level, Ryan has good control of his powets but when he gets really emotional - say, scared - having Shane around is downright useful. "Chill. Literally." angelsaves wants to know how the Sallie House is still standing. Even with Shane around they tend to leave locations with a few new scorch marks.

As for the rest of the BFU crew, Mark has invulnerability, which, also useful. At Waverly, when the ball stops rolling in front of Ryan's name, Ryan just LOSES it. He's on fire and Shane's throwing around ice and snow trying to stop him from burning the place down and Mark is just standing there stoically in the middle of it, continuing to film. The whole Unsolved crew is like that: TJ has shielding, kind of like Violet in The Incredibles, and Devon can phase through solid objects, so no matter how batshit things get around Ryan and Shane, they're a-ok.

For the Debatable episode about if ghosts were real, they're the only people allowed on set. They even set-up a flame-retardant set OUTSIDE. (The BFU set has... a lot of fire extinguishers on it.)

Around the Buzzfeed offices, people have just gotten used to random bursts of flame and ice because Ryan and Shane are having a micro-argument about whether ghosts are real, or anything, like where to go to lunch.

Sara has prophetic visions! Sometimes when they're at home, Ryan and Shane will start something and Sara will just be like, "Stop. I really don't want to have to replace that window." One day at the Buzzfeed offices she just shows up at Ryan's desk, fire extinguisher in hand, a good five minutes before it's actually needed. forzandopod pictures her having a squirt bottle under her desk, so that sometimes she just comes over, spritzes them, and says "No." Sometimes she draws her visions and posts them on social media, and it's really cute.

For the Worth It crew, Steven has super speed, which is part of the reason behind Worth It, right? He needs like, a million callories a day but he can also just zip across the country to scout locations to eat and shoot at. Actual Disney Princess Andrew Ilnickyj can talk to animals! He is the grumpiest Disney Princess. Adam has psychometry, so when he touches things and people he can read their history, which is part of the reason he doesn't really touch people and is really quiet.

The Try Guys: Keith is an empath, because it's Keith. Eugene has Veela powers, which obviously he hates. Ned has super strength and Zach has flight (the room cooed when bessyboo pronounced this one). Imagine certain Try Guys videos, where Ned and Eugene are going at each other, and even though Eugene can use his powers to influence Ned and stop him from hurting him, and Ned also has really good control of his powers, EVEN SO sometimes Zach will just grab Keith and fly him away. "We're out!" That's Zach's move: "Nope, this situation is getting out of hand. I'm flying away."

Other random Buzzfeed people (Buzzpeople!): Curly has empathetic manipulation, where he can manipulate people's emotions. He uses his powers for good though; mostly if you're around Curly you feel happy. Sometimes, accidentally, it tips over into horny! Rie has telekinesis. Imagine her making Tasty videos where she has five bowls of things going all at once. "Like the adorable version of the Star Wars holiday special." Kelsey I. is a technopath, cause gaming and stuff, and Kelsey D. has super healing so she is NEVER HUNGOVER. Which is part of how she parties and drinks so hard. She and Eugene can and have absolutely caused riots, being disasters bis together.

Back to the BFU team, Sara knows that Ryan hates the cold, so sometimes before Ryan and Shane even know they're going to get into an argument she'll show up with winter gear for Ryan. She just walks up to the workstations and puts a hat on Ryan. Here have some mittens, have a scarf. She doesn't even say anything. Shane has literally just turned to talk to Ryan and Sara swoops in to do this, and Shane is just like "Goddamnit Sara!" and Ryan is like, "Thanks Sara! Shane, what were you going to say that's wrong."

The environmental controls at Shane, Ryan, and Sara's apartment are absolutely impossible to control. She definitely sleeps in the middle of the bed. Sometimes she'll just drop into one of their laps and say "I need you right now." Ryan also gets bogarted by the Tasty team when their ovens don't work. Shane's ability to keep things cold is really useful too! So they're actually super close to the Tasty team, who call them over whenever the power goes out. In the apple taters video, Ryan uses his powers to heat the oil! (But he doesn't put his hand IN the oil, he's not immune to oil burns.) There's a lot of discussion about what Ryan's powers actually look like. The fire comes mostly out of his hands! Also we establish that in a world where people normally have super powers, lines of fire resistant clothing are just a thing that exist.

Does health insurance help cover Steven's calorie needs? What does home insurance look like for people like Ryan and Shane? There are non-discrimination laws in place that help folks with specific powers from being charged more for insurance because of what they can do. Steven has prescription high-calorie granola bars! Andrew carries Steven's prescription granola bars around in his bag.

When Steven is zipping around the country at super speed researching locations, Steven can technically take passengers but he's not super strong, so it's as much work to carry someone at super speed as it would be to carry them at a normal speed. Plus he has luggage on shoots! So when Worth It travels, he usually just flies with Adam and Andrew.

What kinds of videos could the Try Guys make with their powers? If Keith were a projective empath (rather than receptive) he would totally use his powers to make other people feel bad about him not winning. When they shoot the ancient olympics episode, they have to close off the entire area because naked and oiled up Eugene. What if the crew have to eat peppermints like in "Drop Dead Gorgeous" to avoid feeling the effects of Eugene? Or maybe they get immune over time. Eugene constantly stripping off his shirt at any opportunity, except they all already are, that's just the Try Guys in any universe.

When they do the high heels episode, Zach isn't allowed to use his powers. NO HOVERING. Ned is mad his super strength doesn't help, and Eugene isn't allowed to mind-whammy anyone into carrying him somewhere. There are often rules in videos where someone isn't allowed to use their powers, or where they get a handicap if they can't turn off their powers. Also episodes where they put their powers together like a superhero team to accomplish a thing! The American Ninja warriors episode! There's probably a specialized course just for fliers like Zach (who still does badly at it, because flight doesn't make him more coordinated). Zach also tends to shoot a foot or two up into the air when he sneezes.

Instead of three-legged races as team-building exercises, Buzzfeed definitely has videos where fans get to watch their favorite staffers run obstacle courses. What if, like Jen and Steven swapped hair routines for a day, they had "swap powers for a day" videos? Kristen from Ladylike absolutely can manipulate other people's powers - so she can cancel them out, or swap them - though she has to be in proximity to make it happen, so it's more like, swapping powers for an hour or two. She gets called in when Eugene and Kelsey D. are finally banned from doing videos together during the 50 drinks shoot, because RIOTS.

Imagine Shane and Ryan swapping powers. Ryan just spends the entire video complaining about how cold he is, shivering in a jacket. Shane, the midwesterner, is just like, "You baby." Meanwhile, Shane literally can't talk without literal puffs of smoke coming out. When he burps, little bursts of flame come out, and Ryan starts calling him Puff the Magic Dragon. By the time Ryan starts singing it, Shane is literally steaming. "Try it again, Ryan." Ryan is unapologetic. "This is great, I love it- OH NO THERE'S SNOW ON MY HANDS AAAUGHH" An icicle hanging from the tip of his nose! When Ryan starts breathing out mists of cold air, SHANE starts singing about Frosty the Snowman.

Early in the video Shane is having fun snapping his fingers and making sparks and Ryan is like, yeah, I'm a little chilly, but it's not so bad. Then Sara walks up, takes Shane's jacket off of him, and then puts it on Ryan and tells him to "Stay warm" and walks away. Or she just backs up to the back of the set and hangs out. "This is gonna be a good shoot," she says, and prompts the camera person to zoom in before something really good happens, and accidentally ends up producing the video.

Ned and Zach do a power swap video too! Zach would be like, "I can just... lift things!" Ned would be constantly floating across the ceiling. "This is cool!" Ned standing on the ceiling crowing about how much taller he feels. "There's so much more room on the ceiling! Have you ever tried this?" Zach as a flier is GREAT at doing the baby bounce with Wes Fulmer. While they're shooting the power swap video, Keith sidles up to Eugene and says, "Hey Eugune, if they're -"

Eugene replies, "No." That is TOO MUCH EMOTION. "That is my worst nightmare."

bessyboo: Okay, but SEX.

Does Sara have a fire extinguisher by the bed? Definitely flame-retardant sheets. They probably have to have waterproof sheets too with all of the ice and fire going on or the mattress would end up wet and soggy and mildewy all the time. Think of the punning potential "That's hot" or "Giving the cold shoulder."

Instead of using AC or heating Sara can just poke Shane or Ryan to do the thing. Also clarifications: It takes really strong emotions to make them lose control of their powers. That Ghosts Debatable episode is a LOT though. It's the most anyone has seen either of them use their powers.

Getting together stuff! Shane figured out Ryan was into him by how and when Ryan was having little fire-y flare-ups. There are times when Ryan is obviously worked up about stuff but there are other times when Ryan is just looking at Shane and there's no reason he should be lightly smoking, EXCEPT FEELINGS. There's a video where Ryan keeps having to take this shirt off and he keeps feeling these blasts of cold air. "What is happening!" Shane is standing behind him and Ryan keeps glancing over his shoulder at him, which flexes all of his muscles nicely, which means suddenly there's icicles on his back. Ryan is like, "Ah, dude, stop it! Stop shitting around." And Shane is gritting his teeth, "I can't help it." Shane 100% tries to play it off as a bit every time, and Ryan kind of believes him, but it starts being TOO MANY TIMES.

One day when Shane and Sara are getting ready to leave for work, Sara says, "Hey don't freak out at Ryan when he does the thing." Shane is used to Sara saying cryptic things. She says she never wants to tell too much because it's CHEATING. But this is still very confusing up until, out at a bar after work, Ryan ends up kissing him.

Does Sara see it coming when Ryan kisses her? NO. She doesn't get prophetic visions about herself. And then OT3! And Sara's like, "Oh this is so much more comfortable now, Shane is always so cold in bed." Shane protests, "Hey!" but Sara says, "It's fine, Ryan balances you out now."

So yeah! Superpowers, yay! Buzzfeed!

**Author's Note:**

> Please anyone feel free to add on/play in this verse, we had a lot of fun worldbuilding ideas and not a lot of plot!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Today I Argued With A Dog.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337933) by [vocalfew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vocalfew/pseuds/vocalfew)




End file.
